by Teri Ruhter
How do you like being four, I ask
Little Lela as she sips her milk.
I wanna be three she answers,
Eyes cast down, quiet.
But you can do more, you’re
Growing and then you’ll
Be five and you can go
To kindergarten, I prattle.
Blue eyes look up as
Little brows furrow.
I don’t wanna go to kindergarten.
I was slow on the uptake, yes,
But now I feel her fear.
Of change, of the future,
The unknown: new building,
New teachers, new kids,
Different, scary.
Because I have my own
Grandmother fears to face.
Of change, of the future,
The unknown: aging,
Loss of vigor, loss of loved ones,
Different, scary.
In Scripture, it says:
I sought the Lord and he
Answered me and
Delivered me from
All my fears. And:
The angel said to her
Do not be afraid.
I have no winged angels
In my life, no mystical
Encounters with God.
To quell my fears.
Yet, I have his very
Capable minions,
My friends and this
Grandchild who runs
Through the woods
And laughs and climbs
Everything in sight,
Even fire hydrants,
And says about the walk she
Took with her preschool class
It was so great!
She will go to kindergarten
With gusto and she will
Conquer her fears.
She will march into
That school bravely.
I know this to be true
And the vision makes
Me smile, the thought
Gives me the courage
I need to face the
Kindergarten of my
December years.
We are closer to God
Than she knows,
Lela at the beginning
Of life’s circle and me
At the other end.
Someday she will
See we were so close
That our hands could touch.
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